This is just like opening a new journal for the first time and staring at those pure white pages of potential. All the anxiety that comes with that moment is whirring around in my head right now. At least, unlike most of my journals, I begin with a positive tone, and am less fearful of the newness of this white screen that I would have been 24 hours ago, for example.
I was going to bring with me my past blogs, but something in me today resisted it. Its not like I am turning a huge corner in my life; I’m always doing that. Its more…well, lately I have been cleaning and clearing and removing clutter from my life. Cleansing, purging…whatever. I’ve sold off or given away two thirds of my possessions; purged my filing cabinet, downsized my saved emails and thrown out clothes i don’t wear. I feel…less inhibited; taller; stronger.
By contrast, i am putting on weight at a terrifying pace, eating crap, not exercising, not drinking enough water, turning into a prune sitting in front of heaters and vents, my fingernails are so dry and flaky they are crispy (and good to eat, I must admit) and I sit sulking for most of the days with a sullen expression that would rival the most tantrumest of three year olds.